Chef

Chef: Children, uh, what's the one thing that's more sacred to a man than anything else in the world?
Stan: Uh, bicycles?
Cartman: Ham?
Kyle: No, not ham, you fat fuck!
Cartman: Screw you! It's ham, isn't it?

Chef: Say, everybody have you seen my balls/They're big and salty brown/If you ever need a quick pick-me-up/Just put my balls in your mouth/Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls (Stick 'em in your mouth)/Put 'em in your mouth and you suck 'em and you suck 'em.

Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye.

Kyle: You got the best balls in the world Chef.
Chef: Damn straight.

Chef: You're gay though, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: What, I'm not gay. I act this way to get chicks, dumbass.

Chef: You've got to hold the football like you would hold your lover. Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh, yes. Just like making sweet love to the football. Be naughty with the football. Mmmm, spank it. Ever so gently. Spank it. Oh, uh, sorry, children.

Kyle: Chef, we need Butters to gain about 50 pounds, fast.
Chef: Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him.
Stan: Marry him?
Chef: It definitely worked for every woman I've ever met.

Chef: Now I know how all those white women must have felt [Watching an elephant have sex with a pig].

Kyle: Chef, where dose shit come from?
Chef: Uh, from your ass children.
Kyle: No, no, no! The WORD shit!

Stan: How can I get a woman to like me more than another guy?
Chef: Simple, Stan. Just find the clitoris.
Stan: What?
Chef: Hang on, what did I just say?
Stan: What's a clitoris?
Chef: Nothing, nothing. Forget I said it.

Stan: You mean there's actually people who dedicate their life to sticking their hands up somebody's ass?
Chef: That's right.
Kyle: What a dick.

Chef: Where were we going to find a child to sacrifice?
Chef's Mother: We weren't going to ask where you got if from.